Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ladies don't puke and tell
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
