whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
