Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
