We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
