that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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