you guys were way drunker than both of me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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