oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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