im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
