you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
