So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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