I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's always time for handjobs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
