Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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