these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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