well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
