I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
