I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
