remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
