One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
