im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I deserve this hangover.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
