I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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