i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
