I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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