I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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