What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
