Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize