You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
