Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
