I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
