you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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