watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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