she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
