My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
