Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
