I just saw a hot homeless man
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize