We're like a lot better than the average bears
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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