I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
