I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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