dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
