Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
