my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
not ubering you a puppy
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
