I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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