I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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