I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize