Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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