I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
