Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
