We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
