Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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