So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i think my mom watched the whole time
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
