Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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