Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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