Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
