Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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