Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
