I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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