I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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