no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
