Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
