I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
