Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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