So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
