he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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