While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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