I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
