I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
