Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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