You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
