Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
