i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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