how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
