Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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