I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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