She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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