I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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