If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
