im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize