is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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