Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize