I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
