I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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