i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
