"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
