I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
